Adnd by this party tomorrow, I of course mean this party today,  The Murder Mystery Party.

I am abso-uckinglutely terrified and pacing up and down and couldn't sleep last night and can hardly eat.  Not about tomorrow, that has barely entered into my mind, I am really really really uber anxious about this party tomorrow.  Me and Ellie and Laura have done loads of work for it and I don't know if it's even going to actually work, let alone not be a massive huge let down to everybody!  Why oh why didn't we properly plan everything before going on holiday!  I might scream!

I got my reading list today.  It seems we start by studying Mediaeval and Reformation Literature, the first of which in particular I know nothing about and don't particularly desire to know more.  But on the plus side, I am quite well acquainted with three of the four key texts throughout the entire degree, (The Bible, The Odyssey and The Aeneid).  I will buy the other, Ovid's Metamorphoses today, and save the rest until I know whether or not I'm getting in.

In other news, almost everyone is away, but I'm meeting up with Laura tomorrow, which will be fun.

I am really quite ashamed of myself.  For my 18th birthday my parents said they;d get me an outfit for the Leaver's Dinner and other events on the future.  The shoes, dress and bra I had to buy came to £165 in general.  I think I like it all, although I have a horrible suspicion that they are old people clothes, (I saw the 30 year old widow wearing a similar dress in the film PS I love You yesterday).  I can also hardly walk in the shoes, and they were £50!!!!!  (They were the only pair f black evening shoes I could find in eterborough that fitted and that I could bear to look at, but it doesn't stop me feeling humiliation and horror).  I have justified it to myself on the basis that they're uite classy, (I hope) and therefore I'll still be wearing the same clothes to social events in my 20s.

That is quite a shameful livejournal entry, especially since I haven't written in a while.  I must write something more intellectual to make up for it.  I got 'The God Delusion' out of the library.  It's much less offensive than I was expecting, although his tone is slightly sneering occassionally, but I suppose he is a very clever man and it is probably hard not to think that everyone else is stupid if you're very very clever.  It doesn't at all challenge my faith, I spend a lot of the time agreeing with him, although I've only read the beginning.  He describes the God he is going to argue against at the beginning and that isn't the God I believe in, (I was slightly annoyed whren I first saw that, because there were still 400 pages to go).  He talked about Catholicism and the ridiculousness of worshipping saints and I almost whooped!  I also read 'Gods Behaving Badly', which was quite amusing, and I've almost finished 'June the Obscure', (I started that before exams and it's taken a while), which is predictably extremely depressing but very good.  Amazingly well written.  It would be fun to study it.

I'm enjoying the summer holidays.  I'm much less disturbed by leaving school than I was expecting, it feels quite good.  I'm still terrified by the prospect of going to university though.  I think most people feel sad about old things ending but are excited by new things.  I'm the exact opposite.  I don't care about old things ending but anything new chills me to the bone.  But I'll survive.  Sigh.

I am 18 in 12 days.  Isn't that terrifying?

I know you're not supposed to care what people think of you.  And I don't really care if people think I'm a geek or dress badly or have a silly laugh.  But I do care if my class teacher geneuinely beleives I write/receive pornographic letters about my mother.  I don't think that's a very silly thing to care about.  Oh dear.

I got rejected by Warwick.  Which makes my insurance decision much harder.  But oh well.

I have given up youtube.  It sounds silly, but I spend so much time watching 'Ianto/Jack' fan videos or Les Mis clips or old Doctor Who scenes or whatever, and it means I waste so much time when I'm supposed to be working.  I spent 3 hours in youtube on Tuesday when I only went on the computed to find and print off a poem.

So far, no withdrawal symptoms.  But it's only Day Two.

It arrived to day, (I'd bought it off ebay).  It is one of the most appalling excues for a dress I have ever seen.  They claimed it was 8-10 but it really isn't at all and it seriously doesn't fit.  The torso bit also has no shape at all and is a bit like a tunic, which it shouldn't be, it's supposed to be sort of fitted.  I can't afford a new one, (especially if I want to buy an ipod before uni), nor would I want to put myself through the stressful hell of buying one again.  I shall therefore have to put my pitiful textiles skills into use and hope it doesn't fall down on the night.

Oh well.  Worse things happen at sea.

Was awesometastic.  It was just a ridiculous fanfiction written for giddy teenage girls, and thankfully, I am one of them!  And I am worried by how much I like the Captain Jack / Ianto pairing....

I got an offer from Cambridge.  3As.  I am very pleased but very shocked and not a little frightened.  Hopefully it will sink in soon.  Lizzie Court got in too, and will do English at a different college, which will be nice, (I'll have someone to sit with in lectures), and Daniella, the girl I met at my interview, who was applying to the same college as me, (Pembroke) got pooled, so fingers crossed she'll get an offer.

New Year was pleasant, I played Trivial Pursuit with a large group of my family, and my Grannie is getting better after being ill.  These things are good.  Although bad things include my brother losing his job.